Mel, how could you betray Chernise and me? Abandoning us to finish our essays without you to disturb us and provide us with an excuse for not doing them. Terrible. Unspeakably terrible. You ought to be ashamed of yourself. I just realised that I was totally wrong about school, and that I really want my holidays back. Except this time, I want all of you in it at some point, so that I can get the best part of school with the holidays. Aren't you touched? You rightly should be. It's 1.10 am, and my essay is half-done. I want to stage the Ben-and-Ian version of Antony & Cleopatra! Mel has already rejected the role of a lesbian Cleopatra though. Spoilsport!